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When you think about a Thanksgiving feast, you probably think about snitching crisp turkey skin right off the bird straight out the oven, creamy mashed potatoes dripping with gravy, luscious spicy pumpkin pie mounded with whipped cream, and eating so much you have to loosen the belt.Pottery Barn catalogs are being pored over as she plans her own table settings. Seemingly no matter what you do, initiation results in the same answer—no. You can’t only concentrate on the turn of your golf swing.My point is while you may be thinking about eating, your wife is thinking about the whole ritual of the day, the romance of the gathering—connection, beauty, and light. The setting, the build-up, the relationship all work together to make the moment work for her. Women complain to me in therapy that their husbands never call when they’re at work. Compartmentalizing works for you when it comes to sex because you can focus and enjoy, but it works against you when it comes to providing some forethought to the moment. Usually this is unsatisfying to men because they want a responsive partner.

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I asked my husband what men would like to hear about. Chances are your wife has already started to plan that delicious menu. But she’s also thinking about her guest list — how to keep Aunt Suzie from dominating poor nephew Allen.

He responded that men wanted to know the bra trick and probably how to get her interested and how to make it good for her—they wanted someone with a manual to share the important secrets. She’s wondering about which single woman she can invite to the growing table that might make a match for her single brother.

This year’s centerpiece will be the piece de resistance. But you don’t know why anyone would bother with the trimmings when there’s a feast ahead; doesn’t matter to you if it’s on china or a paper plate. Women think more like the web—everything links to everything. You’ve also to have the right grip and keep your eye on the ball. Then, they take another 20 minutes of genital stimulation to reach orgasm.

Candles have already made the shopping list so everything will be perfect. Women like to feel deeply connected before they turn on sexually. It works against us when the task at hand is sex and we can’t let go of the cares of the day. Marshal all these sex tips for a coordinated effort. If you rush her, she’ll conclude it’s not her night and tell you to go ahead.

“He does think of me when he’s away from me.” You get points when you’re not even there. Romance doesn’t mean: I brought you flowers, so I should get sex tonight. Romance creates a healthy romantic backdrop for a woman’s responsiveness. A man’s normal testosterone levels are 300-1,000 ng/d L serum blood.

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